Friday, October 21, 2011

How to survive a horror movie: Some fashion tips for the ladies.

1. Wear something unintentionally revealing. The trick here is to look sexy without looking like you enjoy sex. Even revealing shirts can look virginal and wholesome if they're white, for instance. We want to enjoy looking at you, but it's even better if it seems like you don't want us to enjoy it.

2. Subtle, naturalistic makeup. But don't go completely without. You aren't a lesbian for Christ's sake. We want you to look like the girl next door, but a subtle makeup job will hide pimples or blotches and keep you worth looking at. And, when things start going wrong, a little mascara makes tears so much sexier.

3. Accessorize. What we want to see here is books, glasses, maybe a backpack. These are all related to reading. Reading is exotic and therefore sexy. You are an exceptional woman. One in a million. We want to believe that you deserve to survive, and let's be honest your gender puts you at a disadvantage here. So you have to really sell it.

4. Undergarments should be simple, but try to avoid granny panties. You are going to survive this nightmare, but your clothes probably won't. Forewarned is forearmed.

5. Sensible shoes. Heels might make your calves look better, but you have to do a LOT of running. Women are always slowing us down with their stupid shoes. Seeing a girl in sneakers is a relief, to be honest. Fuckable but not high maintenance. Nice.

Good luck! Send pics!


  1. Buy Joey, I'm a guy! How will I survive this horrible situation?

  2. Sorry, Detective Chow, but as a dude, you're only choice is to die early or save the dame... while dying. In the end just know that she would've fucked you had you survived.

  3. Basikx, you have won the internets

  4. Damnit! Make-up? Really? Surviving is hard work...

  5. This is an absolutely brilliant post, and Basikx's comment is pretty awesome, too.